I’m a sucker for Shah Rukh Khan. And Sushmita Sen. No matter how hard y’all judge, I don’t care.
Broadly describing the characters- we have an army major going undercover as a college student, a teacher of everyone’s dreams, an emotionless fuckboi and a chill, raggedly dressed girl cajoled into dressing differently to attract the guy she likes.
Throw in the side characters of the principal who probably inspired Ghajini, the teacher whose spit literally flies across rooms, a Hindi teacher who is always weaving sweaters and struggling with English, and Mini played by Rakhi Sawant whose voiceover was probably the worst choice in the movie. And of course, the villain whose constant neck and knuckle cracking straight up made me uncomfortable.
Farah Khan was on a roll here.
Onto the plot…
SRK aka Ram Sharma, along with his father, played by Naseeruddin Shah are at a press conference along with Gen. Bakshi to talk about Project Milaap, a goodwill gesture to release prisoners who had been jailed after accidentally crossing borders of India and Pakistan. A masked villain named Raghavan, played by Suniel Shetty does not want it to happen, hence he attacks the conference. In the said attack, Ram’s father is fatally shot.
On his deathbed, he asks Ram that he wants both his sons to immerse his ashes together. Apparently, Ram was a product of infidelity and the moment his father’s wife found out, she took her own son, Ram’s half-brother, and left. Not gonna blame her there.
Gen. Bakshi assigns Ram to protect his daughter Sanjana who coincidentally (not), studies at the same college as his brother Laxman.
This particular college has zilch in terms of student-teacher conduct. You can base that on the Hindi teacher’s double-meaning statements upon meeting Ram and even straight up saying ‘Kaleje me thandak pad gayi’ while holding his hand to her chest.
Moving on to Sanjana and Lucky and their bellbottom jeans and frayed hemlines. The former likes the latter but Lucky’s focus is on a superfluous fight with Mini’s boyfriend. They openly bet on her, because hey, entitlement and women objectification to khoon me hai.
So, Ram doesn’t know yet that Lucky, apparently the coolest guy on campus because he failed IDK how many times, is his brother. While the information loads on the computer, Lucky is involved in a moronic race to a win a kiss from Mini. During this said race, he slips and is dangling from the roof of a building.
Ram finds out the same second about his brother’s identity, and being the hero that he is, jumps on the roof and saves Lucky’s life. And of course, they’re all friends after that. They give him a whole ass makeover. Ram even moves in with Lucky and his mother.
Miss Chandni’s arrival is something else. First of all, Sushmita Sen is drop-dead gorgeous. But that is literally all she brings to the movie. Her backless blouses and flowy sarees make her a showpiece, which is unfair because she is an incredible woman IRL.
Moving on, Raghavan wants to send a message to Gen. Bakshi by having one of Sanjana’s friends shot. Ram thwarts this particular plan and rides a rickshaw to capture the right-hand man Khan. It is revealed that Raghavan was in the Indian Army and was stripped off his titles when he’d mercilessly shot innocent Pakistani civilians after they’d accidentally crossed borders.
Meanwhile, Sanju is upset that Lucky doesn’t like her back. She is also upset about not being able to reach up to her father’s expectations. ‘Kya ladke hi sab kuch hote hain?’ she cries, and literally every girl across the country instantly related to her.
And what solution did Ram come up with? He took her to Miss Chandni to get her a makeover. She drops in the school next day in pink salwar kameez, straightened hair and ten shades lighter skin and even a damn potli. Her thumkas are enough to make Lucky fall for her instantly.
I literally snorted in derision. Because that is every Indian man ever- watch porn and half-naked women on your phone but biwi chahiye pardewali and sanskari.
Moving on, Raghavan arrives at the college undercover as a teacher to keep an eye on Ram and Sanjana. On prom night, his men take hold of Miss Chandni’s car and Ram saves her, revealing his true identity. No longer being cockblocked by Ram’s studentship, they engage in Bollywood style intimacy ie neck-sniffing and unnecessary aahein bharna. Meanwhile, Sanju also finds out on the same night about Ram’s identity when she arrives at her hostel and sees her father.
On to the climax, Raghavan snitches on Ram to Lucky and his mother. They kick him out. While leaving, Ram reveals that his father is dead. Now that his mission his over at the college, Ram receives a tearful farewell from the college fam. However, hours later, Raghavan takes the entire college hostage and promises to kill each one of them if Project Milaap isn’t stopped.
But SRK being the hero, vows that Project Milaap will happen and single-handedly saves everyone by fighting off goons and even going one-on-one against Raghavan himself. He famously quotes ‘Ramayan ka ant humesha Raavan ki maut se hota hai.’, when in the end he pulls the pin off one of the grenades, resulting in a blast and killing Raghavan. And thus, we have our happy ending.
With all the high-flying, float-jumping action, this was one of the most popular movies of its time. SRK manages to maintain a captivating presence as always. Some scenes were funny, some emotional and some entirely wholesome.
Then, Amrita Rao’s fashion statement made me buy fringe-hemmed bell-bottomed jeans. And now, I really feel like channelling my inner Ms. Chandni with flowy sarees.
A girl can dream. But cannot decide.
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